progressus imprimus
Tales of Adventure
The Adventures of Runix
Delicious flash adventures by Joe Cabot
The Big Quest
The Ice Menace
Fung-Shway and the Succubus
So Im just chillin in the Killing Fields trying to hook up with a
succubus and along comes a preadolescent Baazlebul trying to start
some shit. Well, being the pimping Panda Man I am, I cast Dropsy on
him and gak his pants.
Now Im thinking hooking up with a succubus should be cake with my new
pants, but everytime I try to talk to one of em, some loser tries to
cut in on my action and I have to brain em with my +7 Steely Vicious
Poleax. While all of the quartz giant crystals and yeti furs are
good for my bank account, its not getting me any closer to getting
laid or finishing my quest.
So I cast Nestor's Bright Idea, and it hits me. I have got to move
fast with these Succubi. I don't got time to sit around yaking or
making Frost Giant Snowmen to impress em, I have to go in for the
quick score before some Shambling mound comes around.
A few more casts of Nestor's Bright Idea and Clever Fellow, and I
know what I need.
I already got the pants, so I go find 2 Hair Elementals and bash them
with my +3 Cambric Fine Magnetic Sheild. Can't risk cutting the
follicle's you see. Now my Panda Man Do is tight, so I go running
off to find a Proverbial Fleece of Envy. 3 undernourished Efreets
later, bam! I'm in business. I drop a Lether Golem for a whip which
is just bonus. Im off to find my succubus now.
I find one, check around to make sure the coast is clear and all that
is nearby is a comatos Silver Dragon so I make my move.
My new clothes and hair are too much for her and she starts ripping
em off to get at me. Dragon is still comatos, Im thinking life is
good when I realize I forgot to get my porn elemental lube!
Craptastic!
Quick as lightning, I cast Invisible Hands VII on the Succubus to
keep her hot and happy and I run off to find some porn elementals.
I have to smack down 3 underage Ettins who were attacking a beer
elemental, but I finally get the beer elemental to tell me where the
porn elementals are after a few rounds. I find em, get my lube, and
hurry back to the succubus.
Invisible Hands VII is still up, but I have 2 new
problems. Orcus and Yeenoghu are there and my Succubus is
complaining she is thristy. Fuck. Lucky for me Orcus and Yeenoghu
are starting to fight each other over who gets the succubus so I have
some time. Knowing my Inivisible Hands isn't going to last the whole
time, I hit the Succubus with Slime Finger XII and run off to find
some water.
Knowing what a high class girl she is, I know I gotta go get her the
best, which means the Titanic Chromatic Dragon. I gear up for a
fight, find the dragon, and start chain casting on him like mad. I
hit him with my 2 tumor spells, Benign and Maligant, and a Cone of
Annoyance. While he's distracted, I Gyp him outta his water and
Briangate back to my Succubus with a bottle of Chromatic Dragon
Mineral Water. I know you Battle-Felon's out there will complain
that I didn't kill the Dragon, but hey, we Puma Burglur's do things
our way, not by the book.
I get back just in time to see Orcus finish off Yeenoghu with his
wand. I toss the water to the Succubus, cast Animate Nightstand and
sick the pet on Orcus. I know the Nightstand isn't going to last
long, but it gives me enough time to cast Holy Batpole on Orcus and
that rocks his world good. Once that lands, I just Rabbit punch him
to death, pick up his wand and put it to good use on that Succubus.
Holy Batpole is the bomb.
After a few hours with the Succubus, we go back to town. I sell my
phat lewtz and drop off the Succubus at the local pimp.
I have to say, the Quest: Deliver this Hoe, has got to be one of the
toughest in the game to date, but the reward is well worth it.
This game rocks ass.....
Fung-Shway
26th level Panda Man Puma Burglur
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